1. They’re Cute Until They’re Not – Like, Really Not
Baby monkeys are undeniably adorable — all wide eyes and grabby little hands — but they don’t stay that way. As they grow, they become territorial, moody, and downright aggressive (yes, even toward their beloved humans). Think of it as raising a toddler that never grows out of the “biting strangers” phase. These aren’t Disney sidekicks; they’re wild animals with instincts that don’t respond to time-outs or bribery. Many pet monkeys develop behavioral problems like screaming, biting, and throwing things (and not just tantrums — we’re talking literal poop). So unless you’re ready to raise a tantrum-prone toddler with fangs… maybe just stick to a goldfish. Source: How Stuff Works
2. Monkey Chow Ain’t Cheap — And Neither Are Vet Bills
Monkeys may be small, but they have big appetites and even bigger bills. They need a specialized diet (sorry, bananas alone won’t cut it), constant enrichment, and exotic vet care that costs more than your last vacation. Most regular veterinarians won’t even treat primates, so you’ll need an exotic animal specialist — and those appointments don’t come with a punch card. Also, prepare for unexpected costs like reinforced cages, monkey diapers, and all the stuff they’ll break when you blink. By the time you’ve bought their food, toys, supplements, and replaced your TV (again), you could’ve funded a semester of college. Want to go broke slowly and with bite marks? Get a monkey. Source: Born Free USA
3. You Might Be Breaking the Law (Yes, Even If You Name It Carl)
In many places, owning a monkey as a pet is illegal — or so restricted, it may as well be. States like California, New York, and Massachusetts ban private monkey ownership entirely, while others require impossible permits and exotic animal licenses. The rules vary wildly, and trying to “accidentally” own one could lead to hefty fines or confiscation (and trust us, animal control does not play around). And no, calling it your “emotional support monkey” won’t magically make it legal. Just because Joe Exotic made it look easy doesn’t mean it is. If the first thing you have to do is Google “how to not get arrested for owning a monkey,” maybe rethink the plan. Source: World Population Review
4. Monkeys Don’t Do Potty Training — They Do Diaper Drama
Monkeys can’t be potty trained like cats or dogs, which means you’ll be dealing with diapers… a lot of them. Even then, good luck keeping that diaper on, because monkeys are smart enough to take it off but not polite enough to aim for a toilet. They’re not trying to be difficult — it’s just not in their DNA to use the powder room. Expect to find “surprises” on your couch, your floor, and probably your pillow if you forget to shut the bedroom door. And since monkey poop is known to carry dangerous pathogens, it’s not just gross — it’s a genuine health hazard. Want a life that smells vaguely of primate pee? Didn’t think so.
5. They Live Forever (Well, Kind Of)
\Monkeys can live 30–40 years in captivity, which is great for them and exhausting for you. That’s not a pet — that’s a lifelong roommate who throws tantrums and never pays rent. What seemed cute when you were 25 might not feel so charming when you’re 60 and still cutting up fruit platters for a creature that screeches every time the Wi-Fi drops. And don’t even think about rehoming them — sanctuaries are overwhelmed, and zoos don’t want your now-feral “former baby.” These aren’t temporary pets; they’re a full-on lifestyle choice with a long-term lease. If you’re not ready to commit harder than most marriages last, a monkey is not your match.
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