1.“Love Will Keep Us Together” – Captain & Tennille (1975)
This song may have won a Grammy and dominated the charts, but let’s be honest—“Love Will Keep Us Together” is one of the most aggressively perky love songs of all time. Captain & Tennille belt out the lyrics with so much relentless enthusiasm that it feels like they’re forcing you to be in a good mood whether you like it or not. The melody is bouncy to the point of exhaustion, and the lyrics sound like a warning to stay faithful rather than a heartfelt declaration of love. It was played endlessly in the 70s, making it one of those songs that wears out its welcome fast. If you blast this on repeat, don’t be surprised if your dog howls in protest—or tries to chew the record just to make it stop.
2. “You Light Up My Life” – Debby Boone (1977)
If you’ve ever been trapped in an elevator for too long, you’ve probably heard this painfully sentimental ballad. “You Light Up My Life” spent ten soul-crushing weeks at #1, making it one of the biggest hits of the decade—and one of the most unbearable. With lyrics so sugary they could give you a cavity and a melody that moves at a snail’s pace, it became a favorite at weddings, school graduations, and anywhere people needed a forced emotional moment. Even Debby Boone admitted she had no emotional connection to the song—she just sang what she was told. Your dog may love you unconditionally, but even they would prefer to sit in silence rather than endure this syrupy torture.
3. “Disco Duck” – Rick Dees (1976)
Who let this happen? “Disco Duck” is exactly what it sounds like—an unbearable mix of disco beats and an irritating Donald Duck impression that somehow topped the Billboard Hot 100. Radio DJ Rick Dees created this monstrosity as a parody, but instead of staying in the novelty bin where it belonged, it took over the airwaves. Even Dees himself got fired from his radio job for playing it too much, which is honestly the only good thing to come out of this song. If your dog ever starts quacking along to a dance beat, congratulations—you’ve officially found the one creature on Earth who enjoys this song.
4. “Have You Never Been Mellow” – Olivia Newton-John (1975)
Olivia Newton-John had plenty of upbeat, memorable hits, but “Have You Never Been Mellow” took a much softer, almost hypnotic turn. The song is essentially a gentle reminder to slow down and embrace relaxation, but its ultra-laid-back melody and whispery vocals make it feel more like a lullaby than a chart-topping hit. While soothing in the right setting, it lacks the energy or emotional punch that made some of her other songs so timeless. Instead of building to a memorable moment, it just drifts along, almost daring the listener to stay awake. Despite its sleepy vibe, it still reached #1—proving that in 1975, people were more than ready to embrace mellow.
5. “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” – Rupert Holmes (1979)
At first listen, this breezy yacht rock hit sounds like a fun song about tropical drinks and romance—but listen closely, and it’s actually about two people trying to cheat on each other. The song tells the story of a guy who, bored with his relationship, responds to a personal ad—only to find out the woman he’s trying to cheat with is actually his own girlfriend. Instead of being horrified at their mutual attempt at infidelity, they laugh it off and order piña coladas, proving that questionable relationship choices were alive and well in the ‘70s. Catchy? Yes. A lyrical disaster? Also yes. Even your dog, who blindly loves you no matter what, would be side-eyeing you for enjoying this one.
6. “Seasons in the Sun” – Terry Jacks (1974)
Few things are worse than a song that tries to be emotional but ends up feeling like a never-ending funeral dirge. “Seasons in the Sun” is a song about a dying man saying goodbye to his loved ones, and while that sounds like it could be moving, it’s so melodramatic and lifeless that it’s just exhausting. The original version, written by Jacques Brel, had some genuine depth, but Terry Jacks stripped away any complexity and left us with a slow, weepy mess. It stayed at #1 for three weeks, meaning radio listeners had to endure its depressing drone on repeat. Even your dog, who normally loves a good howl-along, would prefer pure silence over this musical misery.
7. “(You’re) Having My Baby” – Paul Anka (1974)
Paul Anka wrote “Having My Baby” as a heartfelt tribute to fatherhood, celebrating the joy of welcoming a child into the world. With its soft melody and sentimental lyrics, the song expresses deep appreciation for a partner’s role in bringing new life into the family. While intended as a loving message, some listeners felt the lyrics focused more on the father’s emotions rather than the shared experience of both parents. Despite mixed reactions, the song struck a chord with many, becoming a #1 hit and a memorable moment in Anka’s career.
8. “Convoy” – C.W. McCall (1975)
If you ever wanted to hear a country song about truckers, CB radio slang, and a weird anti-government protest, “Convoy” is for you. This bizarre country-western novelty song, filled with indecipherable trucker jargon, somehow became a cultural phenomenon. It tells the “story” of a massive trucker rebellion (for reasons never entirely explained) and peaked at #1, proving that the ‘70s were truly unpredictable. The song is less music and more spoken-word nonsense over a twangy beat, which makes sense because C.W. McCall wasn’t even a singer—he was an advertising executive. Your dog might enjoy a road trip, but if “Convoy” comes on, they’ll be the first to demand you change the station.
9. “One Bad Apple” – The Osmonds (1971)
The Osmonds were basically the diet version of The Jackson 5, and “One Bad Apple” proves it. This song, which somehow spent five weeks at #1, is a painfully watered-down attempt at Motown-inspired pop, complete with squeaky-clean vocals and lyrics about love gone wrong. The problem? It’s so saccharine and lifeless that it feels like a bad knockoff rather than an original hit. The song was allegedly offered to The Jackson 5 first, which makes sense—because you can practically hear the attempt to mimic their style. Play this for your dog, and they’ll assume you’ve replaced your music collection with old infomercial CDs.
10. “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree” – Tony Orlando & Dawn (1973)
Somehow, this song about an ex-convict wondering if his sweetheart still wants him back became one of the biggest hits of the decade. The premise is simple: If she still loves him, she should tie a yellow ribbon around a tree, and if not, he’ll just…stay on the bus, heartbroken. Spoiler alert: There are 100 ribbons waiting for him, because apparently, she really, really missed him. While the song tries to be sentimental, it ends up sounding like a cheesy Hallmark movie in musical form. Even your dog, who greets you enthusiastically no matter how long you’ve been gone, would roll their eyes at this over-the-top reunion story.
